The Old Me....
I am no longer spreading goodwill and cheerful thoughts. People don't appreciate it or they're just too cynical to accept it for what it is. After repeated attempts to assure the guy in Taco Bell yesterday that I wasn't gay but that his biceps were extemely attractive, I walked away with an order of 2 hard Tacos, a Supreme Burrito, and a close encounter of getting my ass beat. People suck. Being a "half full" kinda guy isn't worth it.
So, I woke up today replacing the new leaf with the old one, no...not over my crotchal regions, I'm not Tarzan for crying outloud. I mean figuratively. I'm back to being...well, me.
Trish and I went shopping yesterday. I know, I don't believe it either. Anyway, she bought a purse and I helped pick it out. I got fashion sense and shit.
We get home and I'm watching TV, right? Anyway, I hear her say
"How does this look?"
I look over and she's walking around, fully clothed, with her purse hanging on her shoulder. I thought she'd be modelin' some lingerie or some thigh high stockings or some shit...but, no it was a purse.
What should I have said?
You folks enjoy your day, I need to get busy.
Later.
So, I woke up today replacing the new leaf with the old one, no...not over my crotchal regions, I'm not Tarzan for crying outloud. I mean figuratively. I'm back to being...well, me.
Trish and I went shopping yesterday. I know, I don't believe it either. Anyway, she bought a purse and I helped pick it out. I got fashion sense and shit.
We get home and I'm watching TV, right? Anyway, I hear her say
"How does this look?"
I look over and she's walking around, fully clothed, with her purse hanging on her shoulder. I thought she'd be modelin' some lingerie or some thigh high stockings or some shit...but, no it was a purse.
What should I have said?
You folks enjoy your day, I need to get busy.
Later.
30 Comments:
You certainly like Taco Bell, don't ya?
Well hell, that didn't last long did it? Not that I'm complaining, I happen to prefer this version to the other.
BTW, always say "That looks great dear! Stunning! Simply stunning!" We don't want to hear the truth, that it makes our hips look big; etc. Got it?
It looks great. I picked it out, didn't I?
It's awesome, honey! It brings out the color of your eyes.
It makes you look so much thinner.--Wait that is loaded. Skip that one.
Perfect, just perfect! Come here. You turn me on wearing that purse on your shoulder like that.
You should have said the opposite of whatever it was actually sprang into your mind.
Never say I'm not helpful.
I like the old you better. The new you was too....Shakespearean.
When Trish models a purse for you, you need to say, "Wow, honey, that looks great! Can I see how it looks with some lingerie or thigh high stockings?"
Tarzan was pretty damn manly. I bet he picked out that leaf himself, too!
A hard taco handed out by big biceps does sound pretty good at the moment. Almost lunch time here. Where's he at, maybe I can get by without gettin beat up. lol
That the purse made her look skinny. Have you learned anything? LOLOL?
What should I have said?
Daaaaaaaamn you look good with that purse.
Good Lord hon, how much weight have you lost.
and finally,
now let me see you with just the purse on.....
(gawd...have you learned nothing....)
Geeez-us ladies...you womenfolk have shown me how ignorant I am all of the sudden. What a great way to start my day....
Always always say something far above and beyond nice when they how it looks. Unless they're trying to rope you into a compliment, then say it's decently attractive for a moderately overprice piece of cowskin. :)
You should have said "I'm not sure. Take your clothes off so I can see the purse unobstructed." Duh
RLFLMAO. You crack me up
I see everyone has already given you the correct reply which is: I need to see just YOU and the purse. Those clothes are in the way of my thinkin'.
Shit, I'm surprised at you. (You're right. The "shit" takes the sting out of the insult. Thanks for that tip.)
your goodwill and cheerful thoughts only lasted one day? sounds about right. does the world really need one more bubbly happy assed faker? no.
I like Shelli's answer.
If the guy at Taco Bell was working there, that's probably why he's pissed.
Or, maybe he's gotten too many orders wrong and been yelled by irritated customers.
You confused him by being nice and friendly! :-)
Mmm, hard taco.
At least she didn't ask if her arse looked big in the purse...
You've been a posting fool while I've been away. I feel like I'll never catch up!
may your fig leaf never wither...or turn over again!!!!
I would have liked "that purse makes your ass look even smaller"
I dunno. I've never modeled a purse.
Oh Mike. I've missed your Mindless Dribble! I've missed out on a lot over the past few days... okay... week. I'm glad the Taco Bell homophob kicked you in the @$$ and turned you back into the wonderful, caring, romantic man we all love. I'm sure Trish and her purse agrees! (I said purse... with an "r"!)
The last time I read your blog you were a sad little puppy who needed a picture of Nicole Kidman in fishnet stockings to cheer you up. That very day I received an email that only you would appreciate. But... since you don't have an email address posted... you just might forever live a life down in the dumps.
Eat a number one with soft tacos and an order of cinnatwists for me and wash it all down with an ice cold Dr. Pepper... and I'm hopin' you get to rub those Taco Bell biceps soon. I mean c'mon. Not every cowboy's a brokeback cowboy!
Oh, Mikey, we love you however you are. You know that.
You should have said, "It would look even better if you were naked."
You would've liked it better if she modeled it while nude, lol. You're such a man, lol.
What Nelly said. ;)
as long as the purse big enough to carry your balls around in...
Just kidding. You know you're my favorite crankenstein.
I agree, I like the old you better. Maybe that is because it's more along my line of thought! I think the crack hooker had my favorite line...in the old you words of course!
Well, Mike, if that is the biggest problem in your life, I would say you're doing okay LOL
You shoulda said "I can't really get the full effect of the purse unless you're wearing a teddy with it..."
You've received better advice than I could've come up with on my own. Apparently I've left you in good hands. :)
I sadly agree with the being the spreader of goodwill and cheerful thoughts. Its a waste of time, most of the time. Ungrateful bastards people can be!
My husband would kill me for saying this, but I LOVE to take him purse shopping. I am the PURSE QUEEN. He helps me snatch up some great finds!
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